I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
