I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
