my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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