Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I pour the whiskey from now on
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
