I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
