Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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