Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
