We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
