the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
