just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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