your parents love me but you hate me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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