so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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