Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
