If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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