shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
