Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
