I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can I color on your dick again?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
