remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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