Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
