Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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