he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
