i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
