i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
