You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
