His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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