I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
