She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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