i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
