she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
