I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
