You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
