ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
