that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Randomize
