So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
