She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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