dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
