everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
