dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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