nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
