Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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