He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
