I just made out with a guy for $7.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
