it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
