My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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