look no pants
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
