we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
