why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
cat food counts as protein by the way
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
