I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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