Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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