I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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