You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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