So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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